On n’est pas acquis l’un à l’autre

I just want you to understand that I’m not a happy person. I’m sad most of the time. Sadly hopeful, sadly peaceful, sadly in love and sadly alive but I’m not really broken. Sometimes I feel that I am damaged, but I really am not. I’ve recreated myself into this person, and I’m okay with what I see. Sometimes I see me when someone says something nice for something I wrote, or sometimes I see me when my mother is happy, or my brother hugs me, but I’ve never seen myself in anyone else’s eyes and feel like I’m going to be sadly okay for the rest of my life. That’s kind of what love is for me. Love is being okay or feeling okay or knowing that I will be okay eventually just as long as I don’t blink when I see myself in the lake of someone’s eyes because a lot of people blink and miss a moment. A moment that could’ve changed everything if only they gazed long enough for something magical to happen. Maybe one day I’ll see myself in someone’s eyes and think “I am magic for all these surviving.” and that makes me feel like I don’t just want to survive. I want to live and living means that I have to be better because being better for someone who loves me is everything that I could ever ask for. So, when something makes me think or ask: “Am I broken?” I am certain that I am not broken. I am the strongest sad person that I know, and sometimes I just want to be strong as well for someone else just to feel like a home. A home that’s okay and I’m here for you, Anne. I can be a lighthouse, a lifeboat or just a hand to hold when you feel like the world is simply too much. And I’ll guide you to feeling okay because that’s where I want to be at the end of the day. Just you being okay. P.S I’ll leave the lights on till’ midnight. -juansen dizon, You & me & a home of okay